Elements

In my youth I weathered a lot of storms. I stood firm and fast in the eye too many times. It happened so often that the storm became part of me. I needed to be blinded by lightning... deafened by thunder... pelted by rain... I needed the wind to tear at me.

And so when I became the master of my own world. I brought the storms on myself. I sought them out. I was.... comfortable in my familiar element.

I needed the assurance that came with weathering a storm. Over and over again I subconsciously sought the turbulent air. No matter how hard I shivered or how much the rain stung my skin I could hear myself whisper... I can do this.

And I could... But I shouldn't have. I just didn't consider the toll. For I time I thought the storms would only serve to temper me...and they did but they also exacted a price. Now that Ive found shelter from the storm I've realized that they've left me feeling haggard and tired before my time.

How do you step back into the fray... ready to battle the elements? How do you know when its time to come in out of the rain?

Woodsy Owl

It feels good to do the right thing... Doesn't it?

Sure...sometimes the act of "doing right" can cause discomfort or strain...embarrassment occasionally. After all... no good deed goes unpunished, right?

But even with a cost... no matter how great... somewhere inside us... we can find that warm fuzzy feeling that comes along with just doing the right thing.

Is it inborn? Or are we taught to through experience during our development ?
If it is inborn..when does it first manifest itself?

I can remember sitting in the back of a near empty bus on my way home from elementary school. And watching as a few other kids picked on another boy on the bus. I was more than shy... I was the kind of kid that hid inside his coat well into spring. I tried so very hard to not be seen...or heard. But I watched and listened always. That day at school all of the children were given a "Woodsy Owl" forest service packet. It was a small bag with literature..games and stickers. Nothing terribly important but to a kid it was something. Well, the other boys kept picking and taunting... One of them grabbed the little boys owl adorned bag and threw it out the bus window. The very instant it cleared the window I sprang out of my seat... screaming all the way down the isle "STOP THE BUS!!!" The bus driver hit the brakes before I made it to his seat. I had to catch myself to keep from falling. I'd startled him... he asked me what I thought I was doing...in a very... excited tone. But it didn't phase me. I shifted my shouts to "OPEN THE DOOR"...which he did. If it happened today I'd be surprised but back then... it was a different world. I ran back down the side of the highway and picked up the Woodsy bag.. I remember having that feeling when I laid my hands on that bag. When it went out the window I was horrified...I felt his pain instantly...I ran down the isle feeling his disappointment... feeling how sad he'd feel about not getting to present his prize to his mother when he got home....it was unbearable. But when I laid my hand on that bag I felt wonderful. I felt like I could do anything. And when I handed it back to him.. he smiled at me... With his cheeks still wet with tears... he smiled at me. He didn't say a word... but I knew that the world was right again... there on that bus the world went wrong for a moment and I helped set it right. It meant something to me.

I suppose... I think we are born with it... and that was the first time I had really paid attention to what was right and wrong because I saw a human cost to it. Of course I had done wrong a thousand times but at that moment I saw that doing wrong hurt other people. That was the moment that it "kicked in" for me.

The reason I am bringing all of this up... is this.

Tonight a person... a person that causes me a great deal of grief... had the chance to do something simple and easy... something that had the potential to harm others if left undone... a chance to do the right thing. And that person opted to not do the right thing. And I wonder if some people never get their Woodsy moment.... if they never have that moment when one realizes that we are all connected....that one can experience another's sorrow.

I think you can teach a person to do the right thing from day one... but if they never get the chance to feel something through someone else then maybe it is all too easy to opt not.

Of course I could be completely wrong but I have to say I am thankful for Woods Owl.

The child support system in this country does more harm than good.... research it yourself.

I grew up without a father. I was raised by a single mother... an aunt and grandparents. I.. or rather.. my Mother never received child support.

As an adult I was married in 1990 and had a son a few years later. A few years after that I was divorced and a full time custodial father.

After that I remarried and had another son. Three years later came another divorce and my ex-wife became the custodial parent. After several years things changed and I felt his well being was at stake and his best interests would be to live with me. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars to win custody... a battle that I would not have had to fight, given the circumstances, had the genders been reversed.

I remarried later on and had two more sons. after eleven years we divorced and she became the custodial parent. Our time was split equally... exactly 50% with each of us. Even still I was ordered to pay 650.00 USD per month in child support. This went on for several years. My income dropped over a summer and I asked the court to modify the support payment based on my greatly reduced income... No. I was told flat No. Even though they were under my roof exactly 50% of the time and so half the time I had to maintain a home and provide for them and still continue to pay the same amount...

In August of last year my oldest son from my last marriage came to live with me. Naturally I asked my ex-wife to contact the local child support office in Scott County Tn and notify them of the change... she did not. I called them myself but to no avail. I formally requested a hearing in writing but was never granted a hearing. I am still waiting for that hearing. In the meantime I began to accrue arrearages because I was not going to continue to pay the same amount of child support having one child with me full time and one child with her full time. Our earnings were equal.. our time and responsibility was equal. Now... eventually my drivers license and then my professional license were suspended due to non-payment of child support. I called for hours...days trying to appeal to someone who had some sense of right and wrong..or fairness or even the patience to hear me out but that's not how it works apparently.

Now I sit here with no means of supporting my family...even though I have never faltered...not once in my duty as a father..as a parent.. as both mother and father... not once have I ever failed to be there. I have supported financially...emotionally... I've taught..guided..instructed... comforted... loved... praised... worried and fretted... I have been there. But that doesn't matter and I can't get anyone to listen.

Foxy

Round and round the rabbit hole, the fox just digs in vain.
How do I get him? How do I get him?
The riddle would drive me insane.
Thank goodness he's sly and not very bright...
The thought never enters his brain
And he plans on digging all night.

Please hide...

Skins are so transparent...
Or perhaps my sense to keen...

I sip my drink and nod my head...
I watch the puppet show...

I try to rest my eyes on the surface you present...

But there you are...
Operating beneath the surface...
So out of sync with your waxy shell...

And if I close my eyes...
your spoken word says so much...
And your silence says so much more.

I feel uncomfortable knowing...
I wish I had no clue...
So I tell you that I can see...

Your shell rebuffs but now the inside is looking back at me...

I tell you all I know in earnest...
I make no judgments...
I only wish to disclose...
Your eyes grow wide when you realize...
You're uncomfortable now...

The surface becomes rigid...
You try to measure what you reveal...

You feel as though I've looked through your open widow...
And so do I

Wisdom on the shelf from a father at arms reach.

My child my child... How I yearn to teach you...

A cow... my child... will walk round and round a hill all day to reach the top. Don't be a cow my child.

A hog... my child... will eat acorns under a tree all day... and never once look up to see from whence they came. Don't be a hog my child.

A horse... my child... will hear each twig that snaps... each clap of thunder... each slamming stable door and hear a horse eater... Don't be a horse my child.

A goat... my child... will leap into a rain barrel. So certain of its place that it doesn't stop to look. Don't be a goat my child.

Wandering again

Over moss covered crypts on Hickory Hill... The trees grow heavy in the Southern light.

In the craggy canyon of Devils Jump... The shallows bid the sun goodnight.

Behind the silent knoll called Edwins rock... The shadows reach far and wide.

Under the river ford its shivering cold... And certainly no place to hide.

Around the corner from Armathwaite... The lanterns are large and small.

In front of old familiar... The chief stands brave and tall.

I'm oh so tired and weary... My travels scantly through.

I wish my mind would settle... But its nice to share with you.